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First ever time airing on US TV! Hahaha, of COURSE the Logo broadcast commentator is Carson Kressley. When he saw the opening number, he was like, I'm starting to get why they call Eurovision the Gay Olympics.

1. Belgium -- Disco-ish, but I think she's pulling it off. She also sort of is dressed like a disco ball, which is not a criticism. This sounds like it could be a genuine radio hit, if US radio ever gave it a shot. Sure to be on many cardio mixes in Europe!

2. Czech Republic -- Ballad-ish, but not a snoozefest, so I give her credit for that. It's ok, but not fated to be a fave of mine, though.

3. Netherlands -- Country-ish, not what I thought a Dutch cutie with a neck tattoo would sing but it's pretty catchy. I think he'll probably do well.

4. Azerbaijan -- She's cute, but I am not in love with the song. The chorus is at an unkind part of her register, although she sounds great during the verses. I do appreciate that she has a golden microphone to match her gold catsuit.

5. Hungary -- Total cutie. Too bad about the lackluster voice. I presume everyone was too dazzled by his cheekbones to notice. The whistling backup singers are everything, though. Also the purely decorative faux drummers.

6. Italy -- First non-wholly-English song. She's cute, but eh, song's just ok. Random garden staging, and omg bedazzled overalls. Those are sort of amazing.

7. Israel -- Carson Kressley is correct in his Adam Lambert comparison, in terms of aesthetic. His voice is good, but slow ballad, meh.

8. Bulgaria -- Most expensive outfit in Bulgarian history? How! I was expecting it to be made of diamonds, not leather, when I heard it in the commentary. Is it the tanned hide of the last unicorn?? Catchy song. I like it. I bet she does well.

9. Sweden -- I give the kid credit for proper use of the subjunctive, but that was a bit of a snoozefest.

10. Germany -- Hahahahhahaha omg I am all about her outfit. This is what I watch Eurovision for. Her voice is good, but I am not sold on the song. It's ok, but it's not the best showcase for her.

11. France -- Hahaha, of course the French guy sings in French. I like his voice. He's a cutie and the song is catchy. I bet he does ok. (Oh, eventually there's some English mixed in.)

12. Poland -- Hahahaha he looks like a young Chris Cornell had sex with Kenny G, then stole Sgt. Pepper's jacket. Good voice, though, can't dispute that. Get this kid a new stylist!

13. Australia -- SPARKLES!!! The song is an excellent showcase for her voice, well chosen, lady. She's got a great voice.

14. Cyprus -- Hahahahha why are they all in cages? They went the opposite of the usual sparkly aesthetic, straight to grunge from a time machine. This ridiculousness is why I watch, so for that I thank you, Cyprus. WOLF HOWL, YESSSSS, hahahahaha!

15. Serbia -- Amazing epaulettes. She's got a great voice, well served by the song. The hair was amazing too.

16. Lithuania -- His voice is ok, and the song is uptempo, so I should like it, but I am left sort of cold. He seems like he might be insufferable in real life.

17. Croatia -- OMG amazing outfits! I like her voice, too. Thank you for giving me what I watch Eurovision for. Her voice was indeed Cranberries-esque, Carson.

18. Russia -- Stagecraft sorcery! Too bad the song is so generic.

19. Spain -- She's cute, but not sure why she's wearing a bedazzled jersey? Catchy song. As Tiff says, Spain is the FL oF Europe, and she's the Ke$ha.

20. Latvia -- It's like Erasure and George Michael had a baby. (But inherited the vocal range of neither, as Tiff says.) He's trying very hard to sell this song, but I am not completely sold. It's decent, but not great.

21. Ukraine -- Um? She's trying, but I am left cold. Non-English song. Those are some sleeves, she's dressed like a confessor. I like the kaleidoscope stage better than the song.

22. Malta -- Good voice, uptempo song, amazing cleavage. Still, I am not in love for whatever reason.

23. Georgia -- I am kind of digging their sound, but WTF is up with the camera work.

24. Austria -- She's cute! But why is she singing in French? Is she pandering for the French vote?

25. UK -- Catchy and they are cute. I like it. It sounds like it could be a genuine radio hit, but it's more normal than I think of for Eurovision.

26. Armenia -- J.Lo is going to want her outfit back, better watch out! She's got a lot of power in her voice, but she sounds pitchy. Not the best song.

Not sure about the ranking order, but I liked Belgium, Netherlands, Spain, Bulgaria, France, UK, Georgia, and Australia.

Hahahahahahah, the spoof song Love Love Peace Peace was hilarious. The Swedish video was also pretty great.

Proving yet again how little I am in touch with tastes, Ukraine won. WHYYYYY? Did they see the same song I did? Australia or Russia, who were 2 and 3 I liked better. Poor Germany, they never ever do well in all the times I've watched. Surprised the UK duo finished 3rd from last. I never, ever correctly judge Europe's tastes. The ones I liked finished 10th (Belgium), 11th (Netherlands), 22nd (Spain), 4th (Bulgaria), 6th (France), 24th (UK), 20th (Georgia), and 2nd (Australia). It's a mystery!

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